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One of the most important things we will do in life is form relationships:
With people we really care about:
Personal relationships
Parents
Brothers/sisters
A love partner or partners
Business relationships:
Work associates
Interpersonal relationships
Social relationships:
Neighbours
Social/club relationships
How we interact with people on different levels will play a major part in
how successful we will be in having good relationships with people on different levels, business, personal and social.
Have you noticed how some people are much better at having good relationships than others?
What is the difference? In a word communication, it is not only what we say, it is also how we say what we say. The tone of our voice and the body language we use to convey what we say to others.
Each person has their
own way of interpreting what is going on around them and you have been doing this since birth, lets call it a map. A map is full of all sorts of squiggly lines and other lines and shapes all of which have a meaning. There is a
legend with a map which tells you what each of the squiggly lines means however, If you can not read a map then what does it mean to you? By learning to read the map you will be better able to read and understand what it
all means.
For example: You are having a conversation with someone and the discussion becomes heated can you then stop and reflect on what has been said and work to prevent an argument becoming full blown before it does?
Are you able to listen to what is being said and correctly interpret that into knowing what the person is really saying?
There are 2 NLP skills which will enable you to correctly interpret these signals and give you the
skills to defuse arguments before they happen or give you the ability to direct a conversation towards a better outcome for all.
for example: if a loved on is unwilling to do something that you would like them to do listen
to how they communicate this. If they say “I cannot do it” this indicates they do not have the skill to do it. They may want to but do not know how.
Or
“I cannot see the point in it” means they cannot see how it will
fulfil their values. If your love and attention to them has enabled you to know what their key values are then you may be able to persuade them by explaining how the activity can enable them to fulfil their own values.
or
If, however, they say “It wouldn’t be me!” then they are communicating that doing it either does not fit in with their self image or, more strongly, actually goes against their sense of identity – a much more fundamental reason
for not doing it. If someone indicates that something conflicts with the Identify Level of their map it is generally best to step back and avoid attempting to persuade them otherwise.
The other skill is called Perceptual Positions.
What’s in a name? It’s the different ways to perceive a problem.
First Position is your perspective. You are making your case in the discussion.
By being in first
position you will be able to see, hear and feel what is important to you from you own perspective or you are standing in your own shoes. In this position you will think of what is important to “me” and use language like “What I
do”, “I feel” “I want” “me” in other words you connect to your own perspective of what is important to you. You listen and hear to what people say from your point of view and experience that you are being told and relate it to
your map
Second Position is the other person’s perspective, by taking the other persons position you can better understand what their position is. You have heard the joke of walking a mile in the other persons shoes
…at the ens of the mile you are better able to understand that persons position …(you are also a mile from the person J ).
Third Position is a position away to the side so you can see both people in the discussion and
watch how they are communicating with each other listening to what they are saying and how they are saying what they are saying like you are watching 2 other people having a conversation. Now you will be better placed to adjust
your words and actions to obtain the desired result that will fit in with both your values and beliefs to the mutual benefit of all.
Can anybody learn to have better relationships?
Answer “YES” you can
What is even more important it is an easy skill to learn.
Once learnt you will notice results almost immediately as you put into practice these simple yet very effective methods.
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